girl problems

You know the kind of feeling that you feel something you're not supposed to feel, but you feel about it anyway and no matter how hard you try to ignore it, it is still there, waiting for you like a hungry bouncing bunny "you can't run away from me."

Checkmate.

but for now we are young let us lay in the sun

What a beautiful face I have found in this place

That is circling all round the sun,

What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye

and be gone from me soft and sweet

Let me hold it close and keep it here with me..

And one day we will die and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea,

But for now we are young let us lay in the sun,

And count every beautiful thing we can see,

Love to be in the arms of all I'm keeping here with me.

What a curious life we have found here tonight,

There is music that sounds from the street,

There are lights in the clouds... 

beautiful lyrics, haunting song

{Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane over the Sea}

delivering a mail to italia is a serious business

It took me five times of going up and down from high floor to complete a proper plane take-off. Taking a decent flight coverage wasn't easy as well. This shot is not my best but i guess it will do. I hope i can make a special person dear to me smile.

surreal

You've got to hide your love away

End of the Road

I was listening to my Sir Eddie Vedder‘s playlist the whole night. The Into The Wild soundtrack have really nice lyrics.

Last night has been difficult. I felt a hard kick on my chest, indescribable feeling i have never felt before. Like i got knocked out of my breath and the world came spiraling down. Like i wanted the ground to swallow me as the air left my lungs. Like i was being sucked into a black hole.

On my way home, i was in a deep thought, instead of going down to Bishan, i got down to Nicoll Highway. Hahah, that deep darn it! I guess i was staring outside the window so hard, staring at the city lights or staring into nothingness, and didn't give much thought of the train door opening and closing. I was silently chuckling about my stupidity when i came out from the wrong station.

Sixteen train stations! :P Ten additional stations. Surreal. Love is evil. The beer is good anyway.

plays of the week

 Ametsub

Cloudsfall

And this is just soooo awesome. Heart-meltingly awesome.

Thanks for sharing this, R...
 and  for the Mansun too. :)

Mansun's Attack of the Grey Lantern

Wide Open Space

Desire

Under Your Spell

College & Electric Youth

A Real Hero

 Electric Youth

The Best Thing

Chairlift

I Belong in Your Arms

Goldroom ft. Chela

Fifteen

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

Hidden in Snow

*all images came from google

ten seconds

I got ten seconds to cross or i'm dead.

Countdowns always remind me of moments in life worth savoring. Perhaps happiness and sense of calmness are recognizing that we are never stuck. We grow and evolve, and we have the whole world changing, but maybe if we believe that every part of the process can be beautiful and unique, these chances feel like something we need to savor while it lasts regardless of where it takes us. 

My lone walks will always be accompanied by deep thoughts of where i will go next. I guess at the end of all of this, i'm craving for home. Where? I still do not know. I'm about to find out every other ten seconds of days that will go by.

 This pair of chirping birds remind me of some lines from a nice book i have read not so long ago:

"We sense each other. The world, right now, is only us. We continue to sing along. And we sing with the same abandon not worrying too much if our voices hit the right notes or the right words. We look at each other while we're singing; these aren't solos, this is a duet that isn't taking itself at all seriously. It is its own form of conversation -- you can learn a lot about people from the stories they tell, but you can also know them from the way they sing along, whether they like the windows up or down, if they live by the map or by the world, if they feel the pull of the ocean..."

- Every Day by David Levithan

woodlands

Woodlands Station, North South Route

 Block 526 is always this quiet every morning.

Morning walks while listening to music.

Today i was listening and humming to this track ~ slowly walking, gazing at the skies

and pondering about a lot of things.

 Cloudstatic:)

In the apartment.

Some domestic moments and my companions...

Serene days like this make me wonder about some thoughts, which have been crossing my mind lately, some art which I wanted to do, future plans of where to go, and this strange but happy emotion that I am feeling right now. I can't decipher what is it yet, but it's an amusing tiny thing growing day by day. It is an unexplainable glow that makes my insides warm after the long cold season. Icy no more. It makes me scared though. Nevertheless, i am ready to jump across the sea if it calls. Even if i don't know how to swim.

Talking riddles, mumbling gibberish. I guess i am hungry. Migraine go away.

what doodling perrine has to say

Quoting my friend Pierre's love advice for reader Falling Star

{with regards to an email inquiry sent to me some weeks ago}

" Paper Aviator might have a successful art life but her lovelife is what Kurt Cobain called "Nevermind"; but people around the world thought that she's got everything and the person she loves loves her back, and one of them, calling herself "Falling Star", wrote her a letter asking for some love advice, which I understand because Paper Aviator is a very lovable person, but, well, yeah. Guess you really can't have it all. For now.

(You know what I mean when I say "for now", right Gracey?)

Reading Falling Star's letter to Paper Aviator is like going back to puberty, writing words that are by themselves innocent and dignified yet when put together sounds kitschy and annoying but you'd only realize it is so when you're done with it and you've moved on. Even the way I wrote "moved on" is annoying. But in any case, as I read through the post I remember Antonina Milyukova. Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky's fan who wrote him letters confessing her love. Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky's wife he resolved not to see again shortly after marriage. I wonder what happened.

One problem with confessing your love to someone is the illusion of valor. That honesty is cleansing. That being in love is finding someone as your personal hero and when you are that dauntless principled hero you are lovable.

Another problem is the cowardice that comes right after; grief when rejected, incapacity when accepted.

Then last is the problem of continuity. I fell in love a lot of times already. I am guilty of always thinking that my last is the first. Then I'd realize it's not really love because love doesn't gradually disappear the moment you confess it, but most of the time I fell in love love fades little by little the moment I admit it.

What I can say to you, Falling Star, is that we have dreams aside from being a part of those others' lives. Whether he loves you or not, whether you find the courage to confess or not, love that person right here right now. You'll never know what's next. Watch Atonement. Wonderful film. You'll see what I mean. "

Ps. Thank you for the kind words, as always, Pierre. I was really laughing at the "Kurt Cobain's Nevermind" hahah! 

And to Falling Star, we wish you luck and the joy of your youth. :)

Goodnight!

love advice for falling star

I received this letter from a reader. My apologies for taking a looong while to respond. I don't usually get this kind of inquiry through this blog (as this isn't a love advice column heheh) nevertheless I will try to answer the best that I can.


Dear Miss Paper Aviator,

I constantly read your blog though I do not write comments. I just want you to know that you have a really nice blog and I enjoy looking at the images and your artworks. You also have a good taste in music.

I wrote because I want to ask for advice. It has nothing to do with career but it is about the matter of the heart. I know that you can provide even a little hindsight about this because you're an artist. Also, even if you don't share personal things on your blog including your lovelife, it looks like you have a happy disposition in life and you have a successful lovelife. I will not believe you if you will say that the person you like do not like you back.

I am a fine arts freshman in a university. I met this really nice and cute guy who is also an artist (my senior). We became good friends and I fell inlove with him. The problem is, I want to confess what I feel for him. But I want to make him fall for me too. I am also trying to observe if he have feelings for me but I do not have any luck yet. I am also thinking that because he is an artist, he is very open-minded and he won't mind if I confess what I feel for him. I am starting to feel very jealous whenever girls flirt with him and sometimes we fight about it but I cannot explain to him why I feel that way. We also date every week so I am guessing that he is interested in me too but he is just having doubts because I am still a freshman and he is older.

Should I confess to him? Can you advice me anything on how he will find me interesting more than friends level? As an artist, I know you will understand about this more than the normal people.

Thank you very much!!! I will say hi to you when I see you around in exhibits.

Godblez!!

More power,
Falling Star


Hi Falling Star,


Thank you for reading the random stuff i post here. 

So how do i start? hahah

(dead pan)

Uhmm, honestly i'm not really sure about being a reliable source of solution to your problem. So i hope you don't mind that i forwarded your question to some trusted friends. :) Contrary to your belief, i do not have happy endings when it comes to demonstrating my platonic affections hahah! Prepare to be disappointed but i've been very much single for ages. *Candidate hermit raising right hand* :P

Personal love issues: It's not something i'm hugely happy about (i'm going to be a hypocrite if i say i do not wish for it, being a normal human being that is), it's not something  i feel frustrated about either. Let's just say that i'm keeping a neutral ground because i always believe that someday, somewhere, someone will come (as cliche as it might sound hahah). Sooo, now you know my brief "background" in the heart department, i hope you understand that i'm looking at your situation immanently basing on my own judgement, observations, and limited experience. You cannot depend on my opinion if you plan to confess to him. 

Majority of men are straight-forward. You cannot rely on your own guesswork in judging how he feels about you. If he tells you he loves you, he means it (unless he's lying). If he doesn't say he likes you more than friends, truth might hurt but he doesn't really like you more than friends. They stick to simple facts. You will just hurt yourself if you always assume. 

Sure, you can confess what you feel for him. But are you prepared to the outcome? His feelings might be mutual but also consider the other way around. It sounds like you guys are close friends now. Are you ready to risk your friendship just in case he demonstrate an unfavorable reaction to your confession? I'm not being pessimistic, just looking at the wider picture. 

It's normal for him to flirt with girls (and vice versa) if he is single. From your description, you guys doesn't have a "commitment". Yes, both of you go and hang out often, but it might just be a friendly date. Unless he holds your hand and treats you like lovers do, then it's safer not to expect anything. Too much expectations can kill your heart. A friendly reminder before you cross the line: look at the red or green traffic signal first before you "go".  ;) 

You're a freshman. How old are you? 17, 18? You're sooo young. It's okay to be in love (it's the best feeling in the world, close to flying and floating on air heheh) but leave some for yourself. Enjoy your youth. I suggest you hang out with other people of your age, too. Make some girl friends (some things are best discussed with girls over pajama party or drinking session whichever you prefer). Don't make him the center of your universe. That stage in college, especially you're studying arts, is the best time to meet a lot of people in the art circle, learn and explore about your art, too. It will be fun, trust me. :)

If he likes you, then he'll like the person that you are. There are no specific tips for this. You can make yourself a better person but don't change just for him. Stay with the real you.

Goodluck on your studies and your future endeavors.

:)

To make things interesting and to help me with this, i asked non-artists friends to share their counsel: 

From Wins (big boss, marketing light bulb)

"you have a successful lovelife" HAHAHAHAHA! --->  joke of the day. =)) 

Translation: Aside from telling you that you're heeding advice from the wrong person hahaha, her laughter is short of saying "KEEP THINGS LIGHT!" :)

* * *

From Aze (scientist)

You will learn later in life that, although you may get infatuated by someone who knocks you off your feet, love is the point where you will decide to accept the other person as he is, and stay with him. Of course it's more than that. I suggest you take it easy on using the four-letter word haphazardly.

"The problem is, I want to confess what I feel for him. But I want to make him fall for me too." --> 1st statement, up to you. 2nd statement, up to him.

"I am also trying to observe if he have feelings for me but I do not have any luck yet." --> Meaning you haven't got the chance to observe, or you observe but did not see any signs? These are 2 different premises.

You are putting him in a box, along with other artists. Every person is different. That is the first thing you need to accept before you go ahead with life in general. As for confessing... well, that depends on how smooth your moves are. Good luck with all the risks! Question though: why so eager? :)

Quoting the great Ramon Bautista (who you should be sending this inquiry to, btw), "Magselos nang naaayon sa relationship status." Kayo ba? BAAAMMM!

You guess a lot, I observe. Men are generally straightforward. If he really, really likes you, you will know it. Is his having doubts something he said OR something you think he has?

:)

* * * 

By the way, link to the cool Ramon Bautista's My know it all knows more than your know it all. You can ask him anything you want to know about love and life in general. :D

plays of the week

Broken Social Scene - Forgiveness Rock Record

Afterhours -- love the album, thanks R! :)

And this one goes to my wisdom tooth...

Fallen

Fallen

{mixed media}

*from the dream i had last night

love affair

Reality Bites

Restless

TheYoung Victoria

The Science of Sleep


Above films are what i've seen last week (a good omen that the dark age is over hahah).
*Note: I'd like to watch this film. I hope to see this after the Internationale Filmfestspiele Berline
opens this year, among other interesting ones, too.
{trailer}

*images from google & tumblr

before sunrise, before sunset

Words cannot express how much i feel about these films. Both are well-written, ingenious and intelligent.

I usually fall asleep on films that involved excessive talking, but i cannot remember blinking

while watching Before Sunrise. 

Before Sunrise

“It’s just, people have these romantic projections they put on everything.

That’s not based on any kind of reality.” 

"OK, well this was my thought: 50,000 years ago, there are not even a million people on the planet. 10,000 years ago, there’s, like, two million people on the planet. Now there’s between five and six billion people on the planet, right? Now, if we all have our own, like, individual, unique soul, right, where do they all come from? You know, are modern souls only a fraction of the original souls? ‘Cause if they are, that represents a 5,000 to 1 split of each soul in the last 50,000 years, which is, like, a blip in the Earth’s time. You know, so at best we’re like these tiny fractions of people, you know, walking… I mean, is that why we’re so scattered? You know, is that why we’re all so specialized? Yeah, hang on, hang on. It’s a, it’s a totally scattered thought. It… which is kind of why it makes sense." ~ Jesse

Birdhive

Birdhive

{watercolour on paper}

I have always craved a closeness that I could not find here. Now I feel it with you.

My kinsmen are responsive to me—but there is no one to reach my heart,

and you who are so far away, have been closer to me than any man on the islands. 

~ Griffin and Sabine, Nick Bantock

you jump, i jump

You jump, i jump ...

{watercolour and graphite}

... and we grow together.

*Been listening to this, too. Calm morning.

Me in You - Kings of Convenience

what's missing

Missing Nest #3

{watercolour on paper}

*There are people, things, events or places you missed that may stay in default for months to come. Sometimes it's better to get in terms with the transient loss and be cool with nothingness - in respect of conclusions made. Qui est l'amour. 

Hello, are you cold?

Hello, are you cold?

{watercolour on paper}

*Meanwhile currently addicted to probiotic drink and animal choco bites.

The LOVD Brekky

The long overdue brekky date finally commenced. It feels like a hundred years since i last showed up. 

Happy Lemon-ing birthday girl!

Altamira left na kasi, so taping her Taiwan ocean photo na lan, hahah! 

I had fun girls! Crazy ang misfits and other dunno-how-to-categorize stories. I had my own share of embarrassing story, too, a.k.a. the case of mistaken identity (bouquet of flower edition).

Funny copy+paste from Azee's FB dialogue:

Winna: "Gracey's version of the story... "Okay, kalma lang... Relax, the flowers might vanish into thin air.." =)) =)) =))"

Aze: "Panalo rin yung, "Nung sinabi niyang 'Teka, kilala ko 'tong handwriting na ito a,' parang unti unting gumuho yung pangarap ko..." Classic ka Gracey!"

I know right. Kill the hope. Voldemort says KILL. Hahah!

Till then, ciao!

PS. some pretty sightings last weekend...

Early morning.

And in the afternoon while lemon-ing with Aze.

I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand
{mixed media}

Someday.

As sound as ours to us

As sound as ours to us

{watercolour and graphite}

*I realized I'm making more art on paper for the past weeks. I'm used to canvases but I think I'm enjoying water media the same.  

:)